I just took the overnight bus from Bir to Delhi. It was a hellish ride and I was motion sick for a good part of it. But wondering if I was about to toss my cookies, feeling rolling waves of nausea and the stickiness of cold sweats was not actually what made this particular trip bad. I was sexually harassed. I knew it could happen. I know other female travellers it has happened to. And when all is said and done, I got off pretty easy.
I was seated next to a man on the bus. He said very little to me. But I noticed he seemed to be touching me a lot. Nothing overt, nothing I could point to directly, because when you're sitting next to someone on a bus, chances are you will touch them. But this seemed more than that. It felt like he was deliberately rubbing my arm and pressing his thigh against mine. I shifted, uncomfortable, and even put on a sweater to discourage him. But, again, it wasn't anything I could point to as not being accidental. (This is a problem women face, as they don't want to appear rude, and it is exactly the way I felt.)
Then I finally dozed off once we were out of the mountains and the road had flattened out. I tend to be a light sleeper and I don't sleep well unless I feel very safe. On the bus I woke up to find that the man next to me had carefully put his blanket over part of me and now had his hand on my thigh and was moving it from the top of my thigh to my inner thigh.
I took about three seconds to contemplate, then I reached down, grabbed his hand, removed it, and forcefully said "nahi" (no). To make my point clear I also rather forcefully dug my thumb into the palm of his hand. I then flung his blanket off of me and glared. I was fully ready to start screaming and wake the whole damn bus if he tried anything else. However, he seemed to get the message and ignored me for the rest of the trip.
Now, I refuse to play the victim here. What this man did was unequivocally wrong. But I wasn't hurt, just shaken. But it does bring up a pattern of behaviour that any woman visiting India should be aware of.
Men here can be threatening. (Not all men, but some of them.) I don't even know if all the men guilty of things such as openly staring and gawking realise how threatening it can feel. Then there's the men who will make lewd gestures or call out disgusting things. Others will photograph you, video tape you, follow you, and try to touch you. These are the minor annoyances. More seriously, sexual harassment and assault happen with alarming frequency.
The Indian media calls it "Eve teasing." Which is a dubious euphemism. (Eve represents a temptress and the term actually signifies that "Eve's" [women] tempt or provoke males into vulgar comments and behaviors. This means women cause the problem and are also a victim to it. Nice, eh?)
This won't tarnish my experience here. (I knew harassment was a possibility before I came. You don't have to research India for long before coming across warnings for women travellers.) There is an astonishing amount of beauty to be found here, both in the countryside and the people. I have been the recipient of warmth, generosity and kindness. But travelling here does have a dark side, and it needs to be addressed.
I was seated next to a man on the bus. He said very little to me. But I noticed he seemed to be touching me a lot. Nothing overt, nothing I could point to directly, because when you're sitting next to someone on a bus, chances are you will touch them. But this seemed more than that. It felt like he was deliberately rubbing my arm and pressing his thigh against mine. I shifted, uncomfortable, and even put on a sweater to discourage him. But, again, it wasn't anything I could point to as not being accidental. (This is a problem women face, as they don't want to appear rude, and it is exactly the way I felt.)
Then I finally dozed off once we were out of the mountains and the road had flattened out. I tend to be a light sleeper and I don't sleep well unless I feel very safe. On the bus I woke up to find that the man next to me had carefully put his blanket over part of me and now had his hand on my thigh and was moving it from the top of my thigh to my inner thigh.
I took about three seconds to contemplate, then I reached down, grabbed his hand, removed it, and forcefully said "nahi" (no). To make my point clear I also rather forcefully dug my thumb into the palm of his hand. I then flung his blanket off of me and glared. I was fully ready to start screaming and wake the whole damn bus if he tried anything else. However, he seemed to get the message and ignored me for the rest of the trip.
Now, I refuse to play the victim here. What this man did was unequivocally wrong. But I wasn't hurt, just shaken. But it does bring up a pattern of behaviour that any woman visiting India should be aware of.
Men here can be threatening. (Not all men, but some of them.) I don't even know if all the men guilty of things such as openly staring and gawking realise how threatening it can feel. Then there's the men who will make lewd gestures or call out disgusting things. Others will photograph you, video tape you, follow you, and try to touch you. These are the minor annoyances. More seriously, sexual harassment and assault happen with alarming frequency.
The Indian media calls it "Eve teasing." Which is a dubious euphemism. (Eve represents a temptress and the term actually signifies that "Eve's" [women] tempt or provoke males into vulgar comments and behaviors. This means women cause the problem and are also a victim to it. Nice, eh?)
This won't tarnish my experience here. (I knew harassment was a possibility before I came. You don't have to research India for long before coming across warnings for women travellers.) There is an astonishing amount of beauty to be found here, both in the countryside and the people. I have been the recipient of warmth, generosity and kindness. But travelling here does have a dark side, and it needs to be addressed.